The hard thing about grief is no one tells you how it will affect you. Or your spouse. Or your children. Or your parents. Our your friends. We all suffer in different ways. Grief brings me down to the deepest pits of darkness some days. There aren't words for the darkness I have for not being able to hold my baby. There are so many life altering things that happen when you lose a child. What do you say when someone asks how many children you have when you had a fully living breathing flesh of child for 8 weeks? Or when someone is having a bad day and you have the unrelenting feeling of screaming at them to get over it because what they are dealing with is nothing in comparison to losing a child? The thought of her never leaves.
But there is light. SOOOO much light. God's will is good. His love is real. I look to God more now than ever to pull me out of my darkness. To lead me to the light. I never thought after losing a child, so much love could come out of it. No one ever says that loss creates love. You hear "you don't know what you have until you've lost it" but never "you don't know how much love you can give until you've lost a piece of your heart." I've learned its not about comparing my situation to yours. It's not about me having a worse or harder life. It's about showing how to come out if the dark times, the hard times, and how to be a light for others. Yes, losing Ari sucks. It's not fair. God didn't take her away though, He is giving us an opportunity to grow closer to him through our loss.
The statistics of parents who get divorced after child loss is alarmingly high...but Steve and I made a commitment not only to each other, but to God as well that we would never leave each other. Through dark or light. Better or worse.
No matter the darkness, I know where to find the light.
9.2.12 - 10.29.12
Ariella Grace.
#CaptureYourGrief #WhatHealsYourHeart #AriellaGrace
No comments:
Post a Comment