Capture Your Grief: Day 11

Day 11: altar

Shortly after Ari passed, I knew I had to put something in our home to commemorate her. While the two of us were home together, I took oodles and oodles of photos of her. Many that I still have not gone through. 

I looked in so many different stores for shelves of some sort to put in our home and never found anything big enough or what I thought would do her justice. So the hubby and I went and got some wood, picked a stain, got brackets to put it up, and made a shelf of our own that stretches an entire wall of our living room. It still want big enough. We have photos all over our home. The shelf we made holds a good portion of the things we have, and keeps her memory strong. I love it and am so glad we have so much to fill it all up. 


 

9.2.12 - 10.29.12
Ariella Grace. ‪#‎CaptureYourGrief‬ ‪#‎WhatHealsYourHeart‬ ‪#‎AriellaGrace‬

Capture Your Grief: Day 10

Day 10: Support

Support after child loss is tough. 

People don't know what to say. How to act. How to start a simple conversation. 

That being said, I'm very thankful that I have people I can be open and honest with. While these three aren't my only source of support, they are my biggest. As my true best friends, I don't know where I'd be without my hubby, my Burt, and my mommy. Love you all to the moon and back!

 
Beyond them, I'm very thankful to have the support of our church. Without them, we probably would be lost. They have been an amazing step in our healing process.  













 
Some of my other GREAT lenders of support have been my two great friends since middle school. They have always been there to support me, love me, and kick me in the butt when I need it. Thank you Maggie and Carrie, for always being there and always loving me for being a weirdo. I promise, I will always love you back for being a weirdo with me :)





I also have to give a shout out to Bre, Cassie and Melissa. I know we don't get to see each other as often as we like, but when we do, there are always good times to be had! 

 

Also, my beautiful and goofy sister. While we don't always agree on things, or get along, because (duh), we're sisters, she is my only full blood sibling. She is the only one who can understand the life we had growing up, and understand how our crazy lives have bloomed to be what they are now. Through all the good and bad, I'm so thankful that she is MY sister...as crazy as it may seem ;) 



The Hodgett's. I have no words for these two people. We are beyond blessed to know them, have them in our lives, and have them be such and inspiration to our family and marriage. They are amazing. 

 

There is a lot more I could talk about as far as who and what has supported us through our journey. But the last thing I want to say, is without knowing it, this little baby has given me a huge amount of support. EVERY DAY I look at her, smile, and know she is what helps get me through. My heart has opened again and is able to love because of her. 



Ariella Grace
9.2.12 - 10.29.12

‪#‎CaptureYourGrief‬ ‪#‎WhatHealsYourHeart‬ ‪#‎AriellaGrace‬

Capture Your Grief: Day 9

Day 9: In Memory

When Ari passed away, we had to make the hardest decision of our lives...do we bury our baby, or have her cremated? Well, I didn't have the heart to bury my baby. I just couldn't. I carry a cross around my neck every day with her ashes in it. It sits perfectly at my heart...so no matter what, she us always near my heart. I also hope that one day, we as a family can all go out to California and spend some time there. Then, take a boat out onto the ocean and spread some of her ashes just like we did with my Great Grandparents, will most likely do with my grandmother and my mother, as well as myself.

I also got a tattoo to commemorate her. I love it. I have quite a few tattoos, but this one is by far my favorite and most meaningful. It's perfectly beautiful, just like Ari. I remember sending my tattoo artist the most horrific looking thing (in comparison to what I got) that I wanted. When I went in to get it done, she showed me the drawing and I was just shocked at how perfect it was. If you are in MN, and are looking for a great tattoo shop, check out Evolution Tattoo.

We also have a whole shelf in our house that holds pictures, signs, angels, her urn, all sorts of things. It's something our family can look at every day and be reminded of her. While pictures will never do her beauty justice, it's all we have and I'm so glad I was such a camera freak when we were home together. 

Ariella Grace. 9.2.12 - 10.29.12 ‪#‎CaptureYourGrief‬ ‪#‎WhatHealsYourHeart‬ ‪#‎AriellaGrace‬

Capture Your Grief: Day 8

Day 8: resource



When it comes to support, I feel honored and blessed not only to know about Missing Grace Foundation, but to know the founder and to have heard her story first hand. We met at church. Our pastor introduced us after I lost my daughter. She knew that she would be a good resource for me to have. Her story and strength is one to none. Absolutely incredible. Candy, you are a wonderful source of knowledge and love! So blessed to know you and your story!

Here is a link to the Missing Grace Foundation: http://www.missinggrace.org/
And their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/MGFCenterforGRACE

Friends of the Angel is a group that is again, with the Angel of Hope. It's a group that pulls together all the events for the Angel. There are some really great stories of love and strength that I have heard from them as well. 

Here is a link to the Friends of the Angel website: http://www.friendsoftheangel.com/
And their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/FriendsoftheAngel.MapleGrove.MN

There is also the silent grief support group in Facebook. There are always posts about loss and trying to "deal" with it that help and make sense of the mess that happens when going through child loss. 

Here is a link to their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/SilentGriefSupport

Ariella Grace. 9.2.12 - 10.29.12 ‪#‎CaptureYourGrief‬ ‪#‎WhatHealsYourHeart‬ ‪#‎AriellaGrace‬

Capture Your Grief: Day 7

Day 7: Sacred Place

My sacred place is my garden. After wanting to have a garden of our own for some time, we started it this year and it has been a big part of my healing. Almost every day this summer I was out in the garden singing and talking to all my plants. I may have looked a bit crazy sometimes, but it allowed me to be a little girl again. 

The coolest part was all the dragon flies. I had read a poem after a friend of a friend lost her sweet daughter. Ever since I read that poem, which was about dragon flies, I slowly started seeing more and more come into the garden. I'm usually pretty terrified of any bug, but these dragon flies I felt I had a connection to. Even the really big and kind of scary looking ones. So I began holding my hand out for them to land on and talking to them too. There would be days where I'd go out and 20-30 of them would just be hanging out in the garden. No where else in the yard, just the garden. I truly felt my sweet Ari there with me, as well as all her friends that she brought around just to make me smile. 



My other sacred place is the Angel of Hope. I've mentioned before that we have two bricks that were gifted to us. These mean the world. We did not get a burial spot for Ariella, so having a place to go where her name is there along with so many other angels. It's beautiful and perfect. It's a safe place for us to "visit" our Angel as a family. 

Every year, they do a candle light memorial on December 6th. No matter the weather...and in Minnesota, you bet your bottom we're all there bundled up as warm as can be. They also do a "Walk to Remember" which brings all of us who have lost a child together to remember the sweet faces and love we have for them. 

We go there for the walk, the candle light memorial, and for her birthday. And any other time of the year we feel is necessary. We have even brought our little Rainbow baby to see her :)

 

Below is the story of the dragonfly I mentioned above.

"In the bottom of an old pond lived some grubs who could not understand why none of their group ever came back after crawling up the lily stems to the top of the water.  They promised each other that the next one who was called to make the upward climb would return and tell what had happened to him.  Soon one of them felt an urgent impulse to seek the surface; he rested himself on the top of a lily pad and went through a glorious transformation which made him a dragonfly with beautiful wings.  In vain he tried to keep his promise.  Flying back and forth over the pond, he peered down at his friends below.  Then he realized that even if they could see him they would not recognize such a radiant creature as one of their number. 
The fact that we cannot see our friends or communicate with them after the transformation which we call death is no proof that they cease to exist."

by Walter Dudley Cavert
Remember Now
© 1944, 1971

 Ariella Grace. 9.2.12 - 10.29.12.
#CaptureYourGrief #WhatHealsYourHeart #AriellaGrace

Capture Your Grief: Day 6

Day 6: books.

I feel like I have a whole arsenal of books that deal with grief, faith, hope, etc. All of them have been credited somewhere as being great for someone. I have read a little bit of each one of these and hearing some other stories can be healing....but nothing is ever as real or heart wrenching as my own story, to me. 

However, one I do absolutely love, is Heaven Is For Real. The kid or adult version. They're both eye opening. My daughter, the #RedHead especially loves the children's version.

As I've grown older, I have enjoyed reading a bit more, and I do really hope to one day have these all read, plus more, in their entirety.

Ariella Grace. 9.2.12 - 10.29.12.
#CaptureYourGrief #WhatHealsYourHeart #AriellaGrace

Capture Your Grief: Day 5

Day 5: journal

This one has been a hard one for me. Don't get me wrong, I love to write. I love to tell people my story. But since you passed, it's hard to even know what to write. What I do know is, I find comfort in typing out a blog, even though not many people read it. I don't care. Getting my thoughts about faith, pain, life, and anything else helps. It gives me peace. My struggle and faith may possibly, someday lead to someone else's path in finding Christ.

Beyond just writing about Ari though, I find healing in writing my prayers. I can't say I have been the best at this lately, but this day shows me I should be more intentional about it. Seeing the prayers God answers is incredible!
 
I also find healing in doodles. They're not always the prettiest, or the lines may not always be colored in perfectly, but drawing gives me a sense of freedom, deliverance and expressing myself. Journaling my heart isn't always easy, but it sure is healing. 

Ariella Grace. 9.2.12 - 10.29-12.
#CaptureYourGrief #WhatHealsYourHeart #AriellaGrace