No...not giving up...giving "IT" up.
As in control. Of everything. All of it. Leaving nothing to try and control on your own.
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.
Psalm 55:22
Let's be honest. This is much easier said than done. As humans, we want control of our lives and the people around us. We want to make sure that we know every little thing that is going on in our lives. That we control it.
I've come to the realization lately that I can't do this. I can't control everything. In fact, I can't control a LOT of things. I just have to let go....
Again, this is much easier said than done. It's not easy to fully trust in something you can't see, hear, or touch. But is it crazy to put your trust in that rather than always being stressed and crazed by trying to trust ourselves? I can't honestly say that I can trust in myself to be calm around my daughter's father (we have been separated and have had a rocky road for 8+ years). I can't trust in myself to even think about speaking to him and not putting him down. I can't trust myself to choose which job is right for me to take, if any at all. I can't trust that I can protect my kids 100% of the time. I can't trust that life will be perfect. Ever. What I can trust though, is God. God will help me. God will be with me. God is in control...
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future"
Jeremiah 29:11
God makes beautiful things out of dust...
Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed
into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
Genesis 2:7
God loves us, even at our darkest times buried in our own sins...
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:8
And sometimes, even our most painful times are what pull us closer to him...
Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways.
Proverbs 20:30
In the end though, all of our tears will go, all of our pain, suffering, hurt...
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.
Revelation 21:4
We are given SO many promises in the Bible. So many promises of joy, love, life. All we have to do is give our lives to HIM. Give our troubles, our anxieties, our sadness to HIM.
The power of prayer is a major help with letting go and letting God take over. It does bring peace. It does bring comfort. It does help. Just as we have to trust God well take over, there must be trust that he hears our prayers.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:6
So, while having that trust is hard...do not fear...for God is with us.
Ooooh life.
I really don't have a specific topic for this post...I just need to get some things off my chest.
Life has thrown a LOT of things my way recently. I have been struggling not only with the loss of my daughter, but with the loss of my dad. It's hard to believe it has really been 15 years since he passed away. The battle he had with cancer was not a pretty one. Four years of treatment, four years of chemo, four years of scans, doctors, tumors and fighting for his life. And now...15 years that he has been gone.
I have been struggling lately. With my marriage. With my kids. With my schooling. With my job. With our finances. With my oldest child's dad. With seeing how many others are struggling in their lives. With the freaking weather!!! With life. It just seems like everything seems to be swirling in a blizzard and I can't find my way to a safe place. To somewhere calm. I don't know when it will all end either. I don't know when or how to control it all. I don't know what to do to make everything better. It's safe to say, I just want "normal" back. Whatever my normal was before all of this happened.
God is an ever present thought in my head. We have many conversations on my long car rides to work. Some of them are good, some of them I cry, some of them I scream, and some of them I just sit in silence hoping God sees me, that he knows my pains.
But when will God respond? I know he built me as a strong woman. I know I can handle everything...one step at a time...but when will the storm be over? My husband and I are currently in the Alpha course with our church. If you ever have an opportunity to go through it, do it. It's a great course! There is one thing that keeps running through my mind. In one of the videos, Jamie Haith says "If you wanted to have an easy life, then don't become a Christian." And I find this so true. Since giving my life to Christ, our family has had nothing BUT struggles. I honestly wish I had time to sit and list them all just to give an understanding. At the same time, we have had so many blessings and every struggle that I have only brings me closer to him. To need him more. To want him more in my life to save me. I turn to him in my worst moments.
Through everything, I know it will all be ok. God will provide. God will stand strong in my life. All this is doing is pulling me closer to him, reaching out to those who don't know him to show his love. I found myself praying for my ex (my daughter's father) the other day...and multiple times since then. To some people, this guy doesn't deserve a thing but to be stuck in a ditch somewhere and never found. Somehow, I found the strength to pray for him. Somehow, I know God will work something through him, if I continue to pray. Because honestly, I don't know who else would be praying for the guy.
Last night, I also found myself having a conversation with my dad. I couldn't audibly hear him, but the thoughts that went through my head I knew were not my own. It was comforting. It was such a blessing. I feel as though I even got a glimpse of my sweet angel Ariella as a little girl. A short, but beautiful glimpse. Something I have silently prayed for since reading the book The Shack (great read by the way, if you get a chance...read it). She had beautiful flowing curly hair, just as I imagined her when she was here on earth. Anyway, the conversation with my dad was simple, yet satisfying. I told him I missed him, he told me he missed me. I told him life is hard. He said I know. I asked him to hug my baby. He said he would. I asked him if everything would turn out right, and he said of course, God has big plans for you dear, now rest your eyes. And I did.
As I said, this post has no real meaning...I just needed to get some things off my chest. My advice to anyone who is going through the storm of their life...turn to God. Because while it may all be swirling around you, God is surrounding you through it all.
