Faith Through Friends

If you were to ask me today to sit down and list all of the friends I've had throughout my life, I couldn't do it. There's no way I could remember all of the people I have come in contact with and had the opportunity to call them my "friend". That's not to say I'm the most popular person ever, I just honestly couldn't list all of the people that I have come in contact with over my lifetime. The older I get, the harder it is to try and remember all of those people. 

Luckily, things like Facebook and Twitter allow us to catch up to those old friends. See what they are up to. Check up on their status, if they're single, have kids, got their dream job after high school or not, etc. I'll come back to that later. 

We all have our "set" of friends that we grow up with and share life with. I have my set of very close and personal friends. We share everything. Physically and emotionally. They are my right hand companions, who I call on when I need a baby sitter, when I need a shoulder to cry on, when I need a trip to Target. As much as they are my right hand companion, I am theirs as well. 

After my husband and I's 3 year journey thus far into our faith, I can't help but wonder how MY faith affects them. One particular friend and I chat a lot about faith, God, questions that many people have about Christianity. The how's, why's, who's. I certainly don't have all the answers, but I can clearly see her curiosity build. I see a spark starting. I can see her questions bubbling, ones she doesn't want to ask, ones she does and I don't have an answer. I can see how much she thinks "man, being a Christian is confusing."

As I said before, social media sites like facebook and twitter allow us to see a little into the lives of the people we left behind in high school. It lets us have even just one tiny bit of affect on their lives. 

Growing up, I was FAR from the "Christian" type. I wasn't a terrible kid or anything. In fact, I was a rather good kid. I excelled in my studies, I volunteered, I was involved in sports, I spent time with my family and I stayed away from drugs and alcohol. I just didn't have a faith background. As much as my mom tried, I just wasn't interested in learning about a "GOD" who had taken my dad away from me. I struggled with that for a long time. 

Until 10th grade I had shown that I was a pretty "good" kid. Then came the drugs, the alcohol, the sex, which eventually led to being pregnant at the age of 16. From here, most of my friends from high school pull this image of me. This is where they judge from. This young girl who WAS smart, who WAS talented, went and did something that will change her life for good. It felt like I was the start of this "BOOM" in girls getting pregnant at 16. 

Through pregnancy, birth and raising my child I have had the same set of friends who are in my personal life on a daily and weekly basis. The same ones I see being affected by my faith today. Over the course of social media becoming a more intertwined part of our lives, I caught up with other friends and classmates through middle and high school. They've seen our journey of faith over the last few years simply because of what is posted and what groups we're involved with. They see the struggles, but they also see the triumphs. 

My close friends see the changes we go through on a daily basis and hear the stories of how we get through the things we are challenged with. But what about those friends on Facebook? How do they view our situation? Does it affect them? Does our following Christ and making that apparent on our Facebook page affect people we haven't talked to since high school? I'm not quite sure. But as I look at my close friend and see the questions she asks and how she wants to be able to have that faith, I HAVE to believe that there is something that sparks a question in someone's mind out there. 

So why is all of this such a big deal? Well, for one I know that having my non-Christian friends ask me questions personally about my faith I am helping them build a relationship with Christ. But if that spark can happen in my close friend, what's to say it can't happen to someone online? That one out of the 400+ "friends" that can see my Facebook posts can be affected? That one of those people can't be sparked to say "what church do you go to?" or "how do you have faith?". 

All in all, it is important to share our stories. Whether they are online or in person. Having faith that our friends can not only help push us closer to Christ, but that we help lead them as well. As I mentioned previously, my friend and I have had many conversations about God. I'm proud to say that she came to church with us over the weekend. I'm even more proud to say that she enjoyed it! But what makes me the most excited, is I know that spark in her is being slowly kindled into a flame and it will soon be shining for her close friends to see.

God is so good...share him. Have faith that your story will lead others closer to him.

Our Biggest Test Yet...

This is a post I never thought I would have to write, nor did I ever want to write. As much as I don't want to write it and it pains me to do so, it is a true testament of faith and love and family that needs to be shared. It is the reason I began writing. It is one of the large pavements that was placed on our Faithway.

September 2nd, 2012. 
Last year I gave birth to a beautiful, angelic, amazing and very special little girl that we named Ariella Grace. She was perfection.

Our oldest daughter holding her new baby sister

Right after she was born.

She was absolute perfection. Every little piece of her was perfect. She was healthy as can be and the doctors were just in shock at how well we were both doing after she was born. She took to feeding and pooping like a champ, she gained the nick-name of "tery" because of her little itty bitty pterodactyl scream she had before we even left the hospital. In the hospital, every time we walked by the nursery and she was in there, someone was holding her. Thinking something was wrong we would check on her and the nurse would tell us "nothing's wrong, she's just so stinkin' cute that I wanted to hold her". As a parent, my heart filled with light and love and joy for my new shiny little princess that EVERYONE seemed to just adore.  

We brought her home and showered her with love. She was the piece of a puzzle that was missing. My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship, as do I, so she was the child that brought all of us together as a family. There was a special bond with her that is indescribable. For 8 weeks my little lady and I played together, we slept together, we cooked together, made funny faces and giggled together. She spent most of her life in my arms. 

October 29th, 2012. 
Our world came to a shattering halt. I woke up and our perfect princess was gone. There were no sweet little breaths coming from her, no movement and no color in her skin. I knew instantly we had become grieving parents to a child who had died of SIDS. We were about to undergo the one thing you never think will happen to you as a parent, that you will lose your child. Ironically, that morning was the same morning I was supposed to return to work from my maternity leave. It was the same morning my husband's grandmother passed away (who we had all been patiently waiting for her home going because of the cancer that had riddled her body for years). It was the same morning I had prayed about in church the day before, to have a "smooth transition" from new mom, back to working mom. 

 That morning our house was turned upside down with police, friends, family, neighbors; question after question about drinking, drugs, violence, health problems; people coming in and out, a never ending supply of food (which we were all too shocked to eat) and a pool of tears and sadness. That morning was hell, to say the very least. I wanted to wake up from my dream I was in. I wanted to know that she was ok. I wanted to hold her, give her one last kiss goodbye. Unfortunately, I didn't wake up from a dream. However, I did know she was ok. Almost instantly after realizing "yes, she's really REALLY gone," I got an image in my head of God holding my baby in his hands. She was happy and surrounded by light. I knew without a doubt that she was in fact, "OK" and I did get to give her my last kisses goodbye, or see you later as I like to say. 

 That day plays over in my head. It's a constant reminder of how close I should hold my family, and how quickly they can be lost. I remember one of the first things that the police officers told us as they sat us down to go over everything that would happen from that point. The officer sat us down and said to me "infant and child deaths are the number one reason for divorce in parents." I looked at him, and had my first laugh of the day. I knew there was no way this would tear our marriage down. It would build us, make us stronger, pull us together more and make us lean on God for strength even more than we already did. 

 As the days went by, the funeral service came and went, people went back about their lives and seemed as though nothing ever happened. People forgot. They were scared to talk about her. Scared to bring her up. Scared that if they did they would make us remember that she was gone. Guess what? I never forgot that she was gone. I will NEVER forget that she is gone, but yet she is always with me.

Over the course of a year our family has been tested in our faith. Anyone who is close to us can certainly attest to that. Our marriage has been tested. Our patience with our children. Our friendships. Our families. Everything that surrounds us has been attacked. The one thing that hasn't changed at all, is our love and ability to call on God when we need him the most. If anything, our bond has been made stronger to Him. The comments I get from friends and people that hear our story about our "strength" as a family, and how well we are handling the loss, and how amazing we are as examples to others on how to walk this crappy journey have honestly made me blush. We're not trying to be better than anyone or make it seem like it's an easy thing to do, because it's not. It's still a battle. It has made me realize that even though we are going through one of the hardest things a parent or person can go through, we still stand strong in the eyes of others. The question is asked "How do you do it?" My answer...

FAITH.

Faith that God knows best. Faith that he will heal our souls. Faith that he will heal our family and bring us blessings. Faith that if we stand strong in his eyes and continue to praise His name, we will continue to stand strong and fight for whatever it is we have to fight for. Faith that through even the hardest of storms, there is a light, there is a rainbow at the end of the tunnel. God knows what he is doing with our lives, it is our job to have FAITH to walk with Him. 

We miss our angel. Her big blue eyes, soft baby skin, her little mark on her eye and her little pucker in her lips. We miss holding her hand, squeezing her cheeks, giggling at her cry. The memories of her memory surrounds us daily. It is by faith that I know I will see her again. I know I will one day here her call my name. It is by faith that we stand tall and fight through the hardest times of our lives. Most of all, it is by faith that we are still here as a family, grieving, but counting on the fact that God does love us and his blessings are endless.

Happy birthday to our sweet angel Ari. 

September 2nd, 2012 - October 29, 2012.